So your crush is dating somebody you know. Ouch.

For all those who analyze relationships, let me put this out. I love my husband. No doubt about that.

So what was different this morning that led me to reminisce yet  another failed crush? Last night while I was doing a daily tour of my ‘friends’ profiles on Facebook I came across this one guy X whom I once had a crush on. Basically he’s dating this one girl I sorta know. At least I know how she looks. She the ‘pretty-without-makeup’ kinda girl. I went psycho for about 4 seconds and then ate gorgeous alfredo pasta with my husband and though life is beautiful.

Now back to my pathetic past.

So X is very attractive and smart (brain-wise). We worked in the same organization- yes despite my lack of a Bachelors degree I got the job. It was for a copy writer for the lifestyle section of a newspaper. My editor loves fashion and I do too. That’s how I got the job I guess.

Anyway back to X. So at the time I kinda hatched a devious scheme with another guy friend of mine, who had a thing for me and also knew X pretty well, to set X and I up on a ‘blind’ date. I still don’t know why but he introduced X and I and although X is way hotter than I am/was, it didn’t deter me from hoping for something. In fact he seemed to come around once I started text messaging him and he was even replying back. I was so thrilled that finally some spark of interest in my lackluster love life. My life was starting to look more exciting.

A week later I made up some crap reason to meet him at work. I even wore a pretty top and tried to make the most of my decently in-shape body. I don’t know what he thought of that but I left it at that cuz I had another on-off crush popping back in my life at that point so I totally left X alone, as in, no text messages.

Then out of the blue he sends me a message saying ‘what’s up’ and my life had changed that day, well before he sent me that text message. I got engaged to some idiot (think Britney Spears). Well in my case I did it for my parents who really liked that guy and my life was looking like a mess and I just said okay to that proposal without thinking.

And to make my situation all the more complicated X knew that guy I got engaged to. Yes, that’s how much it sucked for me.

Best part yet, I broke off that engagement within a week of it. I knew I couldn’t compromise on that one thing. I just couldn’t make myself love someone.

Obviously X was gone with the wind. I never moved on from failure to launch (of that crush story) and there I just saw my life change).

Sometimes I wish we never are judged for our actions. At times I day dream about too-good-to-be-true scenarios where I’m looking the best anyone could, I’ve got the best job and I bump into X and have him awestruck.

YEAH RIGHT.

I guess I really have to not suck that much.

So ‘we’ spoke…

Let me define ‘ex’ so we’re clear on what I mean when I use it.

ex: former crush; former crush who I kissed and we remained each others ‘special someone’ but not boyfriend/girlfriend; the one unrequited love who’s still in your life in a very distant way

Alright so I was caught in a dilemma over being in ‘touch’ with my ex (who FYI isn’t even on the same continent). Over the weekend he called but I couldn’t really pick it cuz my husband was right there. Before you jump to any conclusion let me say that a lot of ‘ex’ talk can get your husband who prior to that was perfectly okay with that and now he just can’t stand it. Of course I take the blame entirely. As matter of fact whoever I’d spoken to about regarding this certain guy never took a liking to him. Hmmm I wonder why…And to be fair he isn’t such a bad ass either.

Anyway I called back today (husband wasn’t home) and we spoke. Basically about random lame stuff like “this friend that friend”. Then out the of the blue he mentions about some female friend of his had come over and while she was teaching my techno-illiterate ex about Facebook, she stumbled on my profile. And yes they did take the standard stalker tour of my profile and looked through my pictures.

ex: You look so pretty in those photos and you’ve gotten beautiful too.

me: Uh…um…(beautiful? What was I ugly before)…um…(fake giggle)

ex: You were always beautiful it’s just you’ve gotten prettier!

me: (YEAH RIGHT)…(fake giggle)

me: Um I thought I kept my dog as my profile pic?

ex: Obviously I wasn’t referring to your dog.

In the mean time I told me self to take the god damn compliment.

“So then why aren’t we together? Why’d you always keep me as your ‘special friend’? We had some much but you always reacted late or never fessed up about your feelings until the week before my wedding.”

No I didn’t say it out loud. It was my head talking to my heart.

Awkward.

Right so how was your weekend…(trying hard to change the topic here)…and how’s the weather?( That’s my all time fav ‘change the topic’ question).

End of convo with the ex.

Should you be friends with someone you once liked…intensely…

No this didn’t happen via Facebook or some social networking website but well there’s always been one guy I’ve liked all my teenage/early adult life until one day when I just decided to move on. We never were ‘boyfriend/girlfriend’, we were just ‘friends’ who liked each other but never got into a ‘ romantic relationship’. In fact I professed my feelings to L (lets call him that) right in the first few months of knowing him. There was something so charming about him. But he just sweetly declined it saying he didn’t want to date anyone. Yeah I know what that means now.

So in the 6-7 years of knowing him I grew from being naive at 17 to being married at 23. Although we’re not in the same country and neither do we keep in touch he does pop back randomly in my mind.

I am happy to be with my husband and I love him and know this is special cuz I’ve never really had this kinda comfort zone with anyone. I can look like an ugly duckling one morning and he’ll still come over and look at me like Edward looking at Bella. Of course I’d like to flatter myself about looking half as pretty as Bella but you know better.

So why L all of a sudden? Um yesterday I saw his Facebook status change. It said ‘In a relationship’ and there was a big heart symbol right by it. He’s isn’t a FB person and neither is he someone who boasts about his personal life. He’s very private and really just somebody you can’t help but be interested about.

Fine I’ll stop running around the bush… is it bad to think about some lost love? Well… this wasn’t exactly reciprocated by L but in ‘my’ head I though we had something invincible. He always said stuff like how I was the only one he shared that with and we did fool around in the most innocent ways of course (like kissing/hugging) and he even asked me to not get married the weekend before my wedding. I mean what’s that supposed to mean? ‘Friendly advise’? Puhleeeez!

I guess that’s why I don’t like the plain Janes who win the handsome hunk in movies cuz that never happened to me. Obviously I wasn’t no plain Jane but I wasn’t  Megan Fox either.

I know I don’t regret anything but I feel guilty to know that I feel good in reliving some moments of the past. This one especially…and if there’s wonderful tonight by Eric Clapton playing on the radio then it just takes me back to L. He played me that song quiet often…and he still calls me…just a random call once every 2 months or so to check in on my life. Is that a bad thing? Then why does he call me?

I could go on about unrequited love but it’s not as satisfying as having somebody who loves you back in every breath they take and I have that somebody who at the moment is snuggled asleep under our new CK duvet (got on Black Friday).

Oh wait he just woke up I guess. Wow I felt a chill down my spine like someone caught me having an affair! Okay dear bloggers got to head back to reality. Thank you for listening!