Tag Archives: Humor

For the love of shoes

Early today my husband left for his LSAT test while I carefully planned the next few hours unbeknown to him. Like I’ve mentioned already I’ve just started driving. In fact I miraculously got my license, which I attribute entirely to luck and not my skill. So really in less than 3 weeks I got it from the time I figured out what the driver’s seat felt like.

Why am I telling you about this? Cuz today I nearly died of horror when I lost my way to the mall.

After the husband left I checked the weather. There’ s a snow advisory in effect from late afternoon so I was all clear to leave by 8:15am today morning. Then I put on some eye liner and grabbed my CK sweater that I bought on Black Friday and hopped my way across to the car after my standard prayer to God to save me on the road if anything. I saw the news yesterday and heard about that horrific accident in NY.

Then as I was happily off to my secret rendezvous with some more shoes, clothes and chocolates, I couldn’t figure out that damn GPS (which btw goes on to save the day) and entered the nearby street name cuz it wouldn’t accept the mall name. Obviously I the GPS and I didn’t hit it off on the right note.

After that I was feeling pretty good the driving and excited to see the mall after a week until I took one right turn too short of the actual one. BAM! Nervous attack commense.

I kept wandering about in unknown territory and my god I was having a nervous breakdown. I kept telling God to help me this one time and that I’d never venture about without telling my husband esp if it’s to do with shopping. I know I blew off a lot on Thanksgiving and all but I’m hooked to it and this was one good way of getting me to not do it.

After an hour on being lost and trying to find my way back before I died off a heart-attack, I decided to let my GPS do the directing. And it worked. It was awfully scary cuz I had to change lanes on the highway and ppl were honking although I didn’t really know at whom. I’m assuming me?

Finally made it home. Safely. And I realized I’m bad at all covert jobs, including shopping behind your husband’s back especially when you promised to save more and spend less. See lying never worked for me. Today I thought I wasn’t cuz I would probably tell him. Okay maybe I wasn’t gonna…Well I learnt my lesson.

FYI: I’ve been to that mall at least 30 times in the past 8 months and just once when I went alone (Black Friday).

Am I really such a big dummy? I hope not.

Am I going to fare better next time? That’s yet to be seen.

Do I still want to go shopping now?

Hell yeah.

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Getting your wedding vows wrong…on your wedding day

Yes that’s happened to us. Being the loser that I am I didn’t want to write any vows or do the whole ‘fresh flowers, big cake, big dress’ thing. I wanted a destination wedding. If Reno, NV qualifies for a destination wedding destination then that’s what I got. Yeah laugh up.

So no wedding hassle or bridezilla outbursts but all I wanted was to get over with it so I could go pee. I’m ‘public-restroom’ phobic. I am. I just can’t touch the door knobs or any of the icky stuff. But on that sunny morning I needed to pee. We got the show on the road. I was smashing in a black skirt with a white blouse (in my defense, Reno+chapel of bells+old chapel lady+needed to pee) and my husband-to-be was wearing…uh…wow…I forgot (so that would translate to some moronic jeans+shirt combo). We were given 15m to prepare. Prepare? I don’t know like maybe not get married.

Clearly I didn’t utilize that time too well either.

As I walked down the aisle (like an 8ft aisle) we got to the part of exchanging vows. It’s not like we wrote down our ‘own’ vows. We just repeated what the minister told.

Minister: I thee wed

husband-to-be: I vee wed.

me: (Vee? vee? Did he just say vee. Yes he did. Okay control anger, laughter and wow he sure is a moron.) I thee wed.

Ta ta ta ta tan ta…you may now kiss the bride.

There you have it folks. If you can go wrong with such simple vows that you were just repeating then what can I say. Life is a joke. Learn to laugh with it not at it.

To this day case in point (my husband) and I are laughing at each other and with each other (depending on the situation i.e.)…obviously the one above is on record so too bad for him 😛

Now that isn’t rocket science.

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Why the ONE you’re with is the ONE

Wohoo! So husband and I had a great time in the bedroom…needless to say my day wasn’t as great as that. Even today I was going ‘mental’ over a couple of issues, one being, well not being able to date anyone anymore. I know I know I’m more than a couple of months (9+ months) late in discovering that but hey are you here to judge me?

I thought not.

Today on a typical drive back to home the radio was on. Nothing like Sleepless in Seattle. That kinda stuff never happens in NJ. However what happened was quite subtly powerful and meaningful. The song has a lyric that said something like “can’t go in the direction of the past” and BOOM it hit straight in the gut. My gut has more authority than my heart. How did that happen? Well since my first and only crush bombed even before anything came off it I appointed my gut to do all the ‘dating decisions’. Well sorta.

What I’m getting at is that sometimes we might go back to the past because (a) it feels nice (b) feels therapeutic (c) option a+b (d) you’re not happy with current spouse/partner. For me it’s probably option (a) and that I’m always searching for ways to put myself in trouble. No seriously . I’m a shopaholic, a jobless, senseless, mindless and clueless, one at that. One thing I’m NOT is humorless.

What ever be our reasons if you can’t find a reason good enough in your mind then it means there isn’t one. In my case, if you’re the kind that’s always looking for the next hottest high heel, or exploring a country nobody has yet, or trying to find ‘logic’ in every fucking thing then let me be the first to break this to you (unless of course you happened to be smarter than yours truly, which might I add is a 1 in 2 possibility).

Here goes:

My partner/spouse must be the one cuz he’s isn’t into drugs, booze or reads TMZ. Oh wait that’s what  Hulk Hogan said about his current fiance. Dammit answer (a) taken.

Answer (b):

My husband is awesome. Period. My ex never took my hand when it mattered most. My fault or his but today the hand in my hand is that of a man sitting by me, preparing for his LSAT and planning our next vaca, while here I am…talking about my ex. Wake me up once I’m done being a loser will ya? So if you’re feeling what I’m feeling then fuck the ex and go hug your spouse/partner and thank him for being the wonderful companion he never promised to be and then kiss him for all the promises he kept.

Tadaaa!

How was my theory? It’s at least a 4/10. Okay give me a 5.

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Mom please! Not another recipe

At the moment I’m on the phone with mum who’s dolling out recipes after recipes and I’m unable to stop her! I guess she’s kinda like a human road roller when she talks about cooking.

Don’t be mistaken but she’s a awesome cook and the best person I know alive but mom really do you have to give me 3 recipes every time we talk? Like every single time? She’s still going on about how to marinate chicken while I’m coming up with this post. Phew! This woman is on fire! It’s like an itch. She JUST has to give me one recipe if not more. It’s cute like OCD type but in her own funny way.

Maybe we’ll come up with a cook book for her so that’ll channel her ‘enthusiasm’ in a more receptive direction. She hasn’t yet discovered the joy of blogging yet…so until then my ear is her audience.

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My Christmas wish list

I love the pattern of Kate Spade's shoes. So chic and sophisticated and bright!

Christmas is around and even though my face is hung low in shame of ‘over-spending’, nobody said nothing about not filling out a wish list did they…Santa might be out there reading my blog (not cuz it’s awesome but cuz he ‘happened’ to stumble across).

I have always loved Kate Spade. Always= since March 09 when I accidentally walked into her colorful store in NYC

If I had a million dollors I know where most of it would have gone or at least half of it. The rest I’d take to Japan and buy their awesome silk and then go to Tibet to pet the mountain goats. They’re so cute.

Though not to be worn with the other 'wish list' products, this gold cuff by Todd Reed is beautiful. I love the asymmetrical detailing.

Isn't he cute? Awwww okay that's the Tibetan mountain goat or antelope.

Okay

Everybody needs to have a Burberry trench coat. It's a must have...well sadly I don't.

husband are you even taking a note of all my ‘wish list’ products?

I neither have the bag nor am I the model

Come on somebody anybody listening or reading perhaps….

p.s- All pictures are from Google images and I have no authority over them so I WILL TAKE THEM OFF IF REQUIRED

BY SOURCE.

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Convo with the husband over high heels

Once every month (read: week) I like to stroll to the near by mall and check out clothes, shoes and what every woman loves- fashion. If for some lame reason I’m lazy that particular day then to compensate I surf the net. I love high heels. I obviously can’t walk in them and it almost like putting yourself through torture just to add 4inchs to your height. And I’m about 5ft 6inch…not bad I’d say but a far stretch from the 5ft 10inch models on the runway.A girl can dream!

On Black Friday I bought myself these awesome Guess shoes for $80 something. Originally they were $110. Some bargain huh!

I'm photography-challenged so bear with the 'pose'.

They had them in black but I liked these better.

And although I needed a size 7, I settled for size 61/2… the perils of fashion.

What does the husband have to say regarding my purchase?

husband: You’re not a model. Why do you need these?

me: I could have been had I been taller and with a few minor corrections…particularly my nose.

me: Besides Tom Cruise was shorter than Nicole Kidman…he didn’t care about his height. (I know bad example)

Husband: Yeah that’s why they’re DIVORCED.

me: Let’s keep the focus on the shoes not what an idiot Tom Cruise is.

Husband: Sigh. Women.

End of convo.

 

 

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Yeah.Right.Dummy

Sometimes I wonder how my husband can so innocently without intention buy the ugliest colors possible. Like it’s almost fascinating to me that we can go to the mall (which FYI he hates doing unless tricked into) and shop at a pretty decent store and yet he’d be at the checkout with the ugliest shade of brown or beige or some moron color that he finds ‘trendy’. And he’ll be nudging me to show how excited he is about his ‘purchase’. Yeah. Right. Dummy.

Our wardrobes are poles apart.

If you're still not getting what's so horribly wrong with them then that's cuz my camera made it look a bit nicer than they actually are.

a) He hates brand logos but somehow has excused 3 AX tee shirts (in the ugliest shades i.e.)I call them poop tee shirts.

b) I love color. I don’t like ‘bling’ on clothes but I like the combination of a neutral with a bright shade. Especially in dreary winter.

c) He won’t wear pink. Yes he’s on of ‘those’.

d) I love high heels. I’ve got a weak back so I can’t exactly strut around in them and it goes without saying my husband can’t stand the fact that it’d make me look taller! Silly is an understatement.

You see what I’m putting up with? Stacey & Clinton are you listening? Or for my friends in the UK, Trinny & Sussanah any piece of advice?

As a consolation he at least he lets me pick his clothes since he hates going shopping but his pink phobia better wear out cuz the pink shirt I bought him from J Crew is really smart. It’s not ‘girly’ like my husband so eloquently quips.It’s just that when someone is wearing poop colored stuff there’s no ‘turning on’ in the bedroom (even if he has Brad Pitt for a face). Ouch.

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