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Getting your wedding vows wrong…on your wedding day

Yes that’s happened to us. Being the loser that I am I didn’t want to write any vows or do the whole ‘fresh flowers, big cake, big dress’ thing. I wanted a destination wedding. If Reno, NV qualifies for a destination wedding destination then that’s what I got. Yeah laugh up.

So no wedding hassle or bridezilla outbursts but all I wanted was to get over with it so I could go pee. I’m ‘public-restroom’ phobic. I am. I just can’t touch the door knobs or any of the icky stuff. But on that sunny morning I needed to pee. We got the show on the road. I was smashing in a black skirt with a white blouse (in my defense, Reno+chapel of bells+old chapel lady+needed to pee) and my husband-to-be was wearing…uh…wow…I forgot (so that would translate to some moronic jeans+shirt combo). We were given 15m to prepare. Prepare? I don’t know like maybe not get married.

Clearly I didn’t utilize that time too well either.

As I walked down the aisle (like an 8ft aisle) we got to the part of exchanging vows. It’s not like we wrote down our ‘own’ vows. We just repeated what the minister told.

Minister: I thee wed

husband-to-be: I vee wed.

me: (Vee? vee? Did he just say vee. Yes he did. Okay control anger, laughter and wow he sure is a moron.) I thee wed.

Ta ta ta ta tan ta…you may now kiss the bride.

There you have it folks. If you can go wrong with such simple vows that you were just repeating then what can I say. Life is a joke. Learn to laugh with it not at it.

To this day case in point (my husband) and I are laughing at each other and with each other (depending on the situation i.e.)…obviously the one above is on record so too bad for him 😛

Now that isn’t rocket science.

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Why the ONE you’re with is the ONE

Wohoo! So husband and I had a great time in the bedroom…needless to say my day wasn’t as great as that. Even today I was going ‘mental’ over a couple of issues, one being, well not being able to date anyone anymore. I know I know I’m more than a couple of months (9+ months) late in discovering that but hey are you here to judge me?

I thought not.

Today on a typical drive back to home the radio was on. Nothing like Sleepless in Seattle. That kinda stuff never happens in NJ. However what happened was quite subtly powerful and meaningful. The song has a lyric that said something like “can’t go in the direction of the past” and BOOM it hit straight in the gut. My gut has more authority than my heart. How did that happen? Well since my first and only crush bombed even before anything came off it I appointed my gut to do all the ‘dating decisions’. Well sorta.

What I’m getting at is that sometimes we might go back to the past because (a) it feels nice (b) feels therapeutic (c) option a+b (d) you’re not happy with current spouse/partner. For me it’s probably option (a) and that I’m always searching for ways to put myself in trouble. No seriously . I’m a shopaholic, a jobless, senseless, mindless and clueless, one at that. One thing I’m NOT is humorless.

What ever be our reasons if you can’t find a reason good enough in your mind then it means there isn’t one. In my case, if you’re the kind that’s always looking for the next hottest high heel, or exploring a country nobody has yet, or trying to find ‘logic’ in every fucking thing then let me be the first to break this to you (unless of course you happened to be smarter than yours truly, which might I add is a 1 in 2 possibility).

Here goes:

My partner/spouse must be the one cuz he’s isn’t into drugs, booze or reads TMZ. Oh wait that’s what  Hulk Hogan said about his current fiance. Dammit answer (a) taken.

Answer (b):

My husband is awesome. Period. My ex never took my hand when it mattered most. My fault or his but today the hand in my hand is that of a man sitting by me, preparing for his LSAT and planning our next vaca, while here I am…talking about my ex. Wake me up once I’m done being a loser will ya? So if you’re feeling what I’m feeling then fuck the ex and go hug your spouse/partner and thank him for being the wonderful companion he never promised to be and then kiss him for all the promises he kept.

Tadaaa!

How was my theory? It’s at least a 4/10. Okay give me a 5.

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